People Who Are Interested in You Ask Questions. It's That Simple.
I've come to believe something about relationships that may make some people uncomfortable: People are either interested in getting to know you, or they're not. And their behavior usually tells you everything you need to know.
Over the years, I've encountered people who demonstrate genuine curiosity about others. They ask questions, remember conversations, follow up on things you've shared, and show an interest in your life beyond whatever happens to be taking place in the moment. I've also encountered people who demonstrate virtually none of these qualities.
And the older I get, the less inclined I am to make excuses for the difference.
Let's be clear. I'm not suggesting that everyone needs to be outgoing, conversationally gifted, or particularly expressive. But I am suggesting that genuine interest produces curiosity. And curiosity produces questions.
When someone has known you for a year, perhaps longer, and has never asked what you do professionally, how your work is going, what matters to you, or even something meaningful about your past, what exactly are we calling that connection? A relationship? A friendship? Or simply two people who happen to occupy the same space occasionally?
Proximity is not intimacy. Familiarity is not friendship. And being acquainted with someone doesn't mean they're interested in knowing you.
I think we spend far too much time rationalizing people's lack of interest. We tell ourselves they're shy, distracted, uncomfortable, or simply different in how they communicate. And while those explanations may sometimes be legitimate, at what point do we stop explaining away a consistent absence of curiosity?
I've spent much of my life asking questions because I'm genuinely fascinated by people. I want to understand their experiences, their perspectives, their challenges, and what makes them who they are. But I've also recognized that sometimes I was carrying conversations simply because I was uncomfortable allowing silence to expose the absence of mutual interest.
I'm no longer interested in doing that.
If someone wants to know you, they'll demonstrate it. Not necessarily perfectly, but consistently enough that you won't have to manufacture the connection yourself.
And here's something else I've learned: When people are genuinely interested in someone, they find ways to engage. We witness it all the time. People become curious about someone they admire, someone they're attracted to, or someone whose life intrigues them. Suddenly, asking questions isn't so difficult.
So perhaps the issue isn't always someone's inability to communicate. Perhaps, quite simply, they aren't particularly interested. And that's their prerogative.
But it's also mine to stop investing energy in conversations and connections that have no meaningful reciprocity.
This isn't about demanding attention, keeping score, or expecting everyone to find my life fascinating. It's about recognizing that relationships require mutual curiosity, and one person's willingness to engage cannot compensate indefinitely for another person's lack of interest.
I can remain kind, respectful, and gracious without feeling obligated to entertain, initiate, or sustain every interaction. I can sit comfortably in silence without rushing to fill it. And I can accept that some people will remain acquaintances, regardless of how frequently our paths cross.
Because I've reached a point in my life where I'm no longer interested in confusing politeness with connection or repeated interactions with meaningful relationships.
People who genuinely want to know you will make an effort to discover who you are. People who don't, generally won't.
And perhaps the most revealing question isn't why someone never asks about your life.
It's why you keep trying to build a relationship with someone who has demonstrated so little interest in knowing you.
Until next time...keep your journey real,
Sandra
Mindset Strategist | Coach | Teacher | Author
Mindset Matters with Sandra