Addicted to Victimhood?


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A good friend and colleague that I have known for over a decade contacted me and asked me to read a recent Google review she had received from a one-time client.  My colleague was stunned and perplexed by what this person wrote. And as I read the review myself, I understood why. The client’s review lacked any real constructive criticism and was highly accusatory and abusive to the point of being negatively preposterous I thought!

My colleague has long been someone highly respected in her community by her colleagues as well as her clients. However, one might nonetheless consider whether it’s still possible that my colleague behaved incorrectly, right? I mean we all think we know our friends and colleagues and then are sometimes surprised to learn we did not know them as well as we thought.

Perhaps, more than ever before in our history people are exposing hidden and sinister intentions of many people in our “global” world. However, as seekers of truth we must be mindful that just because someone accuses another of something, doesn’t mean it is factual or fair.

To believe or not believe is not the point of this discussion. My point is more about becoming keenly aware of our perceptions and psychological projections. This includes how we process what people say, tell and share. These days, even a slightly “affectionate” gesture of good will towards others can become the subject of a sexual harassment claim.

I don’t think you can be a human without having experienced being a victim of something or someone, even if it was simply someone talking behind your back. At the very least, we certainly want to have a safe place to talk about it, to process it and eventually hopefully move beyond having learned a life lesson that helps us to become a better person. Unfortunately, oftentimes when we retell and relive our traumas over again, that narrative grows, builds and blinds us and we begin to see and experience people and the world at large through this lens.

We are fortunate in North America and much of Europe as well, not only because we have a system in place that supports healing at all levels with many modalities and psychological tools to employ (many free by the way), but we also have the POSSIBILITY of healing at greater speeds.  With this support, we can let go of old emotional baggage that hinders our growth, emotional intelligence and potentially moves us beyond VICTIMHOOD. I mean that’s the goal, right? Well, not everyone has the same intentions of enabling YOU nor themselves beyond VICTIMHOOD. Victimhood is very addictive and many people, even highly educated people, make their own philosophy from it. There are groups designed exclusively to perpetuate this narrative.

Back to the discussion of my colleague. She attempted to confront the negative review situation in a professional manner without any success.  It wasn’t good enough for this client that she desired to understand his dissatisfaction and to attempt to make amends. He was more desirous of remaining a victim and there are a number of people such as this person. Which brings me to my last point. I find it especially dangerous to witness in certain people who chose to remain as victims. For some, it’s never good enough, said well enough, or the apology didn’t have the right tone, they failed to say it this way or that way.  Can you see how maddening this can be? If we feel we have fallen into an unfair situation, we definitely need to speak up and take mature measures to find out where the discrepancy, misunderstanding or expectation occurred, but it doesn’t stop here. We also need to give the person who we think treated us badly an opportunity to speak. It’s not one way with one side that gets to have the last word. How are we going to grow when we have the mindset that its’ never good enough?

Lastly, when I read reviews or hear someone speak to me about another like this individual did, it perks up my ears, because there is not one indication that perhaps they too might have caused for themselves some of their own grief. If we are not careful, our pain and suffering blinds us and can really make us paranoid.

Encouraging You to Live Authentically,

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